Growing up in a very busy household with two working parents, I was exposed to a lot of unhealthy living. We regularly ate food that was fast and cheap, along with homemade comfort foods high in carbs and sugars. As kids, we all ate high sugar cereals, drank cans of soda, and consumed just about every kind of high sugar treat that we could. To add, the television was the central point of our house. Throughout the day and into the night, the television was always on.
To add to that, both my parents smoked cigarettes and my dad liked his beer and wine.
I watched my father have his first heart attack when I was in my early teen years and he underwent cardiac bypass surgery. Several years later, he would undergo another bypass surgery. He developed Type 1 Diabetes, along with severe cholesterol and high blood pressure. Although he did quit smoking, he continued to consume all the wrong foods and drinks, compensating with high dosages of insulin injections. He refused to take up any sort of exercise program and his hips and back, complicated by his obesity, continued to decrease his range of motion and endurance to walk and stand for long periods. So, he spent more time sitting in front of the television and sleeping, instead of taking charge of his life and aggressively making the changes he needed to make.
My mother did quit smoking, but also did not follow through with a healthy diet and exercise, choosing a sedentary life just as my father had. She eventually developed Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), decreasing her lung capacity to absorb oxygen, and had to carry around an oxygen tank.
My father eventually died of a heart attack and my mother died of her COPD within the same year. That experience, as traumatic as it was for me, also became the catalyst for change.
Throughout my life, I always thought of myself as healthy. I played sports in school, began martial arts when I was a teen (which I still practice to this day, even in my 50’s), practiced many kinds of meditation and holistic exercises, and studied health, philosophy, and spiritual work. Yet, I still ate what I wanted and drank what I wanted without concern. I was never overweight. Even during my time in the military, I was top in my physical fitness. Throughout my other careers, such as law enforcement, I worked hard to keep myself fit and felt satisfied with my overall health.
Then, at 39 I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.
I was in shock. How could this be? I was in good shape, I wasn’t overweight, and I felt fine! I was angry at myself, but also scared.
I realized that even with my thin build and active lifestyle, there were two things about me I didn’t take ownership of: What I ate and drank, as well as my own anxiety and stress.
I made a promise to myself on that day. I was not going to go down like my parents did. Through a friend, I learned about paleo dieting, intermittent fasting, natural body movement, circadian rhythm, and all sorts of other topics I had never taken time to understand before. I became fascinated and studied it all. I started implementing what I learned into my own life. Immediately, I got rid of all grain products, sugary foods and drinks, dairy, and anything else that didn’t fit the paleo model. All I ate was meat and vegetables. I drank water, coffee, and tea, with no additives. I changed my entire approach to foods and drinks.
Next, I joined the gym and started working out. I walked every chance I could. I parked farther away everywhere I went. I took stairs instead of elevators. I stayed in shorts and t-shirts, even in winter, to encourage more physical activity.
I did a complete overhaul on my diet and exercise and within a few years, my doctor decided to take me off all my medications! He said of all his mid-40’s patients, I was the only one who was actually getting younger! Where most people in their 40’s see their numbers go up, mine were going down! He asked me what I was doing and later even admitted adopting some of my choices into his own life.
I still struggle with my diabetes, because you never actually stop becoming diabetic. It is a disease, a deterioration of the cells within the pancreas, and I know eventually I might have to go back on some medication. However, I am managing it quite well with my own lifestyle choices, so I may be a ripe old man by then. The cholesterol and blood pressure are also still good and I continue to practice healthy choices to keep those numbers in check.
So, here I am in my early 50’s, ready to really get out and enjoy this phase of my life. I am in great shape, I feel strong, my energy is good, and I am able to get out and do anything I set my mind to. I am able to do this because of the choices I made for myself and the proactive steps I chose to take to reclaim my life.
I am happy, healthy, and with a solid sense of purpose.
What saddens me is in seeing so many others who don’t. So many people are unhealthy, lacking in drive and passion, who see their lives as seemingly insignificant, and who continue to follow habits that lead to self-destruction, unhappiness, and unfulfillment. Our culture enables this toxic lifestyle, encouraging people to seek comfort and effortless living, focusing on immediate gratification that is shallow and never truly leading to real happiness. We don’t connect to others because we aren’t connected to ourselves. We focus so much on what is outside ourselves that we fail to accept the truth within ourselves. As long as we are happy, feel good, and follow what society says is “good”, we don’t question or bother to explore our own authentic selves.
So, this is why I am doing what I am doing. This is why I am starting the Own Your Center project. It isn’t just about a book. It isn’t about an exercise program, or a blog. It’s bigger than that. I am wanting to start a movement, not just in your body, but in people as a whole. I want to make a difference in lives, so that they can make a difference in others. Even if it’s just a handful of people at first, the ripple effect is endless and the effects can carry on for generations.
See, we all were designed to be unique and incredible. Each one of us, even you, were born with talents and gifts that nobody else has. But, through family and society conditioning, through “rules” that other people created, you were programmed to be who they wanted you to be. You were not allowed to just be yourself. You had to color within the lines, conform to specific requirements, be a “good” person, and you developed habits from that. In a nutshell, you are your programming, your habits, and your upbringing. Because of that, the vast majority of people, even you, aren’t fully living your authentic self – because you likely don’t even know who that person is!
Knowing your center is a process of peeling back that programming, to dig deep and explore what truly is at the core of who you are, and reconnecting to it. Once you are connected to your true self, your center, you begin to see your life transform. It becomes exciting and life takes on a kind of magic. You make your life choices from a place of balance and purpose, because you are being true to your authentic self. You aren’t conforming to anybody, because you know yourself better than they do.
However, living such a life is challenging. People will criticize, minimize, and try to convince you their way is better. Society may reject you. The road less traveled is not the smoothest or most welcoming. But, it leads to all the best places.
This project is to not only help you define who you really are, but also how to protect that. Your center, your place of peace, clarity, and purpose, is vulnerable and you need to know how to recognize threats, how to keep your connection to your center at all times, and what to do if you are suddenly taken off your center. Through this process, you will develop a dynamic life of self-empowerment that allows your true expression to unfold. The beautiful uniqueness that is you will transform and be revealed, like a butterfly emerging from a caterpillar, and you will become who you were designed to be.
My hope is that maybe this will be the catalyst that brings people together, connects them to themselves and each other, and from that we all benefit. A society of healthy, happy, balanced individuals is capable of achieving results humankind has never seen.
And it all starts with each and every one of us. It begins with you.
If you like my content, please consider donating to my tip jar. Your generous contributions are appreciated help me continue to provide quality and content. Just scan the QR code here:
For a long time, Own Your Center has existed more as a way of thinking than as a finished thing.
It showed up in how I taught, how I moved, how I thought about posture, stress, and performance under pressure. It lived in conversations, classes, notes, and lived experience far more than in a structured format.
Over the years, one theme kept repeating itself: people weren’t just asking what to do with their bodies — they were asking why things worked the way they did, and how to apply that understanding in everyday life.
That question is what finally pushed me to organize this work more clearly.
Own Your Center is now available as a digital guide. It lays out the foundational principles behind posture, movement, and internal regulation — not as a fitness program, but as a framework for understanding how the body organizes itself under load, stress, and demand.
Alongside it, I’ve also published Desk Jockey Workouts, a short, practical companion guide. It focuses on simple, desk-based movements designed for people who spend long hours sitting and want ways to restore movement and reduce unnecessary tension during the workday — without turning their day into a workout routine.
For those who want both the underlying framework and its everyday application, the two guides are also available together as a bundle.
This wasn’t about creating something new as much as it was about giving shape to work that has been developing for a long time. Writing it forced clarity. Publishing it required commitment. Both felt like the right next step.
If you’ve followed this blog over the years and found the ideas useful, these guides are a more structured extension of the same thinking.
Starting your morning on the right foot is essential for a productive day. Here are the top three things to “kick” to ensure a great start:
Kickstart with Hydration
Begin your day by kicking off dehydration: Drink a glass of water to rehydrate your body after hours of sleep. This jumpstarts your metabolism, boosts alertness, and supports overall health.
Kick Away Negative Thoughts
Shake off negativity and stress by practicing mindfulness or meditation. Clear your mind of worries and focus on positive intentions. This mental reset sets a harmonious tone for the day.
Get In Motion
Engage in physical activity, whether it’s a brisk walk, stretching, or a quick workout. This kickstarts your energy levels, releases endorphins, and enhances your mood, setting you up for a vibrant and successful day.
These three things are simple and essential to starting your day on the best foot possible. It could be rough in the beginning, but by taking these steps every day in a few weeks, it will become your morning routine and your life will elevate to new levels.
Take charge of yourself!
If you like my content, please support my blog with a tip. Your generous contributions enable me to continue providing quality content.
If you enjoy the content of my blog and would like to see more articles, please consider supporting me through a tip jar contribution. Just click the QR code below and contribute whatever you feel is appropriate.
The average price for a quality coffee is $5. Many people spend more than that per day just on coffee. Add lunch to that and we’re talking around $15-$20 per day.
So throwing in a few bucks to support a nice blog article you find enjoyable and educational is not too much to ask now, is it?
If you haven’t read my first article titled “Desk Jockey Workouts – 3 Basic Exercises You Can Do Right Now!“, I recommend you start there by clicking on this.
I received some great support for my first article and decided to share some supplemental exercises you can add to your daily routine. As I wrote in my first article, sitting all day is a major health risk for most people. Our daily lives are dangerously inactive. We sit in vehicles, at home, at work, and just about everywhere else we spend most of our time. Being stationary for so long without movement and range of motion activities causes so many health problems that it is in epidemic proportions.
But, there is hope.
By incorporating exercises into our every day life, we develop a lifestyle that supports healthy living. Combined with proper diet, enough quality sleep, and other healthy choices, your sedentary life can transform into an active, healthy, vibrant, and functional life.
In another article, I will share what steps I took to overcome diabetes, high blood pressure, and high (bad) cholesterol – all while in my 40’s. You are never too old to recapture your health. It just takes a strong desire, educating yourself, and putting in the right kind of consistent, sustainable actions. It all begins (and ends) with the choices you make for yourself.
As explained in my first article, you should make sure you are performing any exercise correctly. Form before repetitions helps prevent injuries and maximizes your results. Go back and read that article for pointers on how to get the most from these exercises.
Remember, these are supplemental exercises to the main ones I listed in the first article. If you haven’t seen the first article yet, the main exercises I described are:
1. The Chair Squat 2. The Desktop Pushup 3. The Desktop Dip
Each of these are designed to work with the most fundamental issues we face as a chair sitting, inactive culture. The supplemental exercises below are great additions to also help with the structural, muscular, and overall health problems also associated from the modern sedentary lifestyle.
I hope you also enjoy these. Please let me know if you find both my articles insightful and helpful. Of course, none of it matters unless you actually DO them, so make the choice today to start!
Supplemental Exercise #1 – The Seated Torso Bend
Sit forward in your chair, so you are upright and not touching the back. Your knees should be bent at about 90 degrees, with your feet set flat on the ground.
Keep your back straight and your head up.
Fold your arms in front of you so that your elbows are naturally just below shoulder height. Too high and you will flex and raise your shoulders. Too low and you’ll lose proper structure. Your hands should rest on your forearms, so that your elbows are straight out from your shoulder sockets.
Flex your core muscles to hold your straight posture as you bend forward at the waist while breathing out.
Without losing form, keep bending forward until your elbows touch your knees.
Again, without losing form, breathe in and raise yourself back upright using the hip flexors.
Repeat until your target goal is reached (see previous article on how to establish your target repetitions).
Supplemental Exercise #2 – The Seated Torso Twist
Sit upright in your chair, slightly off the back.
Plant your feet flat on the ground.
Raise your arms and fold them just like you did in Supplemental Exercise #1.
Without twisting the hips, keep your spine straight as you twist your head and shoulders to the left and breathe out. Try to turn and look as far around you as possible, while flexing your core to keep your posture.
Breathe in as you return to center.
Keep your posture as you breathe out again and twist to the right.
Breathe in and return to center.
Each return to center is one repetition. Keep repeating until you meet your target goal.
Supplemental Exercise #3 – Seated Leg Lift
Sit in a good posture, back straight, head up and level, arms resting naturally on arm rests.
With your feet centered on the floor, raise your right foot off the ground a few inches by using your upper thigh muscles. Try to keep your hips centered and even weighted seating in the chair.
Keeping your thigh elevated, lift your lower leg up until your entire leg is flexed and straight. Breathe out as you do this.
Without lowering your thigh, breathe in and bend your knee to bring your foot back down again. Keep it elevated and do not rest it on the ground.
Breathe out again as you raise your lower leg.
Each raise and lower of the leg is one repetition. Repeat until you achieve your target goal.
Switch legs and repeat exercise.
Supplemental Exercise #4 – Seated Wrist Bending
No workplace exercise program would be complete without devoting time to the mobility and health of your wrists and hands. There are many different exercises for this, but here are a couple of very basic stretches which are good for reducing inflammation that comes from hours of keyboard use.
Front Wrist Bend
Reverse Wrist Bend
These exercises are a great way to really enhance your overall health, as well as minimize any damage caused from excessive inactivity and work related stress to the body. In addition, a vast amount of evidence supports physical health with emotional and mental health. Taking the time to self-care at points throughout your work day and at home will keep your body primed for the demands of a modern work life, while enhancing your overall health and mobility to benefit you in all areas of your life.
Please Like, Follow, and share my articles and blog site! I appreciate any and all support! Stay tuned for more helpful content.
Sedentary life is the most common aspect to modern society. The typical adult will get up every day, commute to work by sitting in a vehicle (or whatever form of transportation they use), sit for long hours in a chair at their desk, sit on breaks, commute back home sitting, and spend the rest of the evening sitting in their favorite chair or sofa. Sitting is the most overused of all human functions and it is the #1 threat to every person’s health!
There is countless research to support why sitting and remaining inactive for long periods of time has created an epidemic of declining health among younger people. Combined with stress and an unhealthy diet, it’s a recipe for disaster.
The key is not to kill ourselves in the gym, spend countless dollars on health supplements, and try to find that mystical “magic pill” that’s going to fix everything. Instead, we need to develop a natural lifestyle of healthy living. A lifestyle means incorporating healthy choices into every area of our lives to the point that it is no longer a choice, but a habit.
Since we spend the majority of our waking hours at work, how we spend that time is important to our health. Of all the ways we can choose to improve your health, movement is by far the most important. But, when you are stuck at your desk for hours on end, what can you do?
Aside from office technology like sit/stand workstations and other great improvements, there are some movement exercises you can do at any desk. In fact, you can do them right now.
There are many kinds of exercises you can do, but I’m going to give you a basic three that I find to be the most beneficial. Before you do any exercise, I highly recommend the following:
Form Before Reps – Be mindful of your form and balance. It is essential you slow down and focus on doing any exercise correctly. Trying to just hammer out repetitions as fast as you can puts you at risk of injury and really doesn’t benefit you as much as a focused, smooth, and rhythmic repetition.
Breathe – You need to breathe through each repetition. Don’t hold your breath or grunt. A basic rule is to breathe out when you are exerting strength and breathe in when you are charging up. An example is with a push up. Breathe in as you lower yourself and breathe out as you push yourself up.
Set A Target Goal And Track It – Start by doing enough reps that it becomes difficult to continue (especially if it breaks your form). Write that total down. Every time you do that exercise, continue to reach that goal until it is no longer a struggle. Then, add only one more repetition. Keep doing that over and over, keeping track of your progress. Some days you’ll feel like you can do more and some days you’ll feel like you can barely meet your goal, but just keep yourself at your target goal. Otherwise, when those weaker days come (and they will), you’ll be discouraged if you don’t meet a goal you ramped up on your stronger days.
Don’t Overdo It – In the beginning, you may be excited and want to do these so much that you can cause yourself to wear out. Pace yourself. I recommend no more than once every couple hours at most, but twice a day is sufficient.
Take Time To Walk – Doing these exercises are a great supplement to walking, not a replacement. Walking is still the cornerstone of a healthy lifestyle. You should walk throughout your day. Park farther away, walk to your favorite lunch spot, walk on breaks, walk when you come home, and just walk, walk, walk every chance you get.
If you are ready, here are three exercises you can do from your desk right now. Give them a try and see how you feel afterwards. Do them every day and see how you feel after a week, two weeks, three weeks, and a month. I guarantee you will begin to find yourself more energized, productive, focused, positive, and not so tired at the end of your day. Hopefully, you’ll also notice you aren’t grabbing for that coffee and sugary snacks to pump you up. You’ll be energizing your body and mind naturally, with far better results and health benefits.
Okay, here we go:
Exercise #1 – The Chair Squat
Squatting is by far the most important exercise you can do. Because we live in a society of chair sitting, our hips and core have become weak. Your hips and the core of your body is where you have all your stability and power. It is the base for so much of what your body does that having a weak core and hips leads to bad form and function of every day movement. Rebuilding the range of motion and strength of the muscles and connective tissues in the hips is a major focal point in the fitness industry. Simple squats, when done correctly, works to not only restore what was lost through inactive living, but also stimulates the nervous and circulatory systems. Even though it seems like a lower body exercise, it improves the entire body as a result.
Stand with your feet at shoulder width apart with your chair behind you as if you are about to sit down. Keep your feet pointing straight ahead, like being on a pair of skis.
Extend your arms straight down at your sides and pull your shoulders back with your shoulder blades. Keep your head leveled straight.
Hinge or bend at the hips (not the back) to push your butt back while keeping your back straight, like you are going to sit down.
Bend your knees, but keep them at or behind your toes by pushing your butt farther back. Remember to keep your back straight by tightening your core muscles.
Keep your knees over your toes. Do not let them bend or tuck inward. In fact, it is better to push them outward, like being “bow-legged”. This will ensure they track over the feet and reduce stress to the knees.
Naturally swing your arms up and lift your head to look up as you continue to lower yourself.
Gently “sit” on the front of the chair, but do not rest on it. Just touch down on the seat and keep your position as you begin to stand back up.
Use your hips to hinge forwards as you stand, flexing your hip muscles. Raise your body vertically upwards (don’t lean forwards with your upper body to lift yourself).
Lower your arms back down as you stand and center your head.
There are a lot of details, but this will give you a start.
Exercise #2 – The Desktop Pushup
The next two exercises are designed to help with the upper body issues associated with hours of sedentary sitting, typing, and other office functions. This is a fairly simple range of motion exercise that you can do on any desk or table. If you have a stable chair (no wheels), you can increase the body weight resistance by using that instead. For those who want a greater challenge and have the room to do it, you can do a standard pushup on the floor. But, for the average person, or as a starter, I recommend doing these on the desk.
The nice thing about these pushups is that by extending your feet farther back, you not only increase the body weight resistance, but you also will engage different muscles higher up on your torso. In addition, by using your core muscles to hold a strong “plank” position throughout, you maximize the whole body benefit. You can also widen your hands for more chest work, or bring them together for more arm and shoulder work. For the beginning, I recommend having them at shoulder width apart.
Place your hands on the edge of the desk at shoulder width apart. I recommend gripping the edge of the desk, as opposed to flat on the desk surface. You don’t want your hands to slide and risk falling into the desk.
Extend your arms and walk your feet back until you are flat (plank). This will be approximately a 45 degree angle for most people.
Allow your elbows to be at a natural angle outward as you lower your body down to the desk slowly while breathing in. Be careful not to strain your shoulders by lowering too far, but usually a 90 degree angle of the elbow bend is sufficient.
Breathe out as you push yourself back up again until your elbows are straight. Keep your head centered throughout the motion.
Keep your strong plank form throughout the motion.
When you push out, try to keep your shoulder blades back. This will put emphasis on the chest, shoulder, and arm muscles.
Exercise #3 – The Desktop Dip
This is an essential supplement to the Desktop Pushup, as you need to balance out the torso by also working the back muscles. Too many people focus on the front of their body and this causes the torso to pull inwards. Because we sit in front of computers so much, reaching out to our keyboards, we need to work on exercises which pull our torso back to a centered position by strengthening the back muscles.
Rowing exercises are the best for this, but the Desktop Dip does help because of the arms being extended back and the angle of the lift that pulls the shoulder blades back.
Stand with your back against the desk top. Grip the edge of the desk top. Do not place your hands flat on the desk surface.
Walk your feet out until your body is a straight plank. You’ll need to flex your core and hips to keep your body in a strong plank position. Your shoulders may tighten up from a limited range of motion, so be careful.
While keeping a strong plank form, breathe in as you lower yourself by bending your elbows. Keep your elbows centered over your hands, so they point straight behind you as much as possible.
Do not strain your shoulders by lowering yourself too far. Again, a 90 degree angle of the elbows is sufficient. For beginners, it may be less.
Breathe out and raise yourself back up by extending the arms until the elbows are straight again.
Keep the strong plank form throughout.
By making these exercises a part of your daily work life (and home life), you are taking a proactive approach to your long term health. Combined with regular walking and eating clean, natural, healthy foods and drinks, these exercises will transform your life and set the stage for even more fun, challenging, and powerful exercises!
If you decide to start doing these exercises, please let me know how they work for you! You are also welcome to comment with any questions and I’ll try to answer them.
UPDATE: If you enjoy these exercises, check out my new article titled “Desk Jockey Workouts #2 – Supplemental Exercises For The Keyboard Warrior”! You can find it by clicking here.
We are all built with innate, primal survival instincts. Your brain already has the programming hardwired to keep you alive. In fact, when it comes to extreme danger, real life and death struggle, your body has some pretty amazing automatic responses.
When your mind perceives danger, there is a neurological reaction that stimulates the sudden production of stress chemicals and hormones throughout the body. Your nervous system fires, heart rate pounds, and your senses become alive. This is all designed for Fight or Flight, to either run and escape, or fight for your life.
Without losing you to all the human biology information on stress, I will narrow it down like this:
Your Amygdala detects danger and sends the message to your Hypothalamus, which immediately fires up the Pituitary. The Pituitary sends the emergency signal to the Adrenal Gland, which releases stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol throughout your body. Those chemicals, in turn, create a chain reaction of biological effects, all designed to support your survival.
Surviving danger is as primal and basic as eating, sex, and sleeping. However, it takes priority and your auto-response to stress will effectively “shut off” those lesser functions. For instance, when you are faced with a hungry, angry bear, the last thing you’re going to feel like doing is eat, sleep, and be amorous.
Interestingly, your body does some really cool things. Blood vessels in the extremities will constrict. This is for two essential reasons – to keep more precious blood in the core of the body (where your vital organs are) and reduce the amount of blood loss from injuries to your arms and legs as a result of fighting off that angry bear.
Because your nervous system is firing at the highest rate possible, you are more reactive and your adrenal response is causing your muscles to operate at incredible levels. There are countless examples of people doing superhuman feats of strength trying to survive (or save someone else), even to the point of self-injury.
Cortisol and other functions allow the body to minimize pain receptors. It’s your body’s way of keeping you from feeling your injuries, so you can keep up the fight or get away. This works in sync with the elevated nervous system and muscular strength to make you quite an effective machine to deal with real danger.
All of this is from your body’s Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and it is essential for your survival. To allow all this great stuff to happen, the body has to reroute its resources and shut off or reduce functions which are not necessary for your immediate survival. This includes complex thinking and motor skills. In fact, under duress, most people scream and flail their arms. Being able to really analyze the situation and take high level, coordinated action requires a lot of specialized training. The rest of us fall to the level of primitive in our functions.
On the other side of all this survival stuff is the rest and recovery part. This is where your brain perceives the danger to be over, so it switches it’s entire operating system over to the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). This is where your body assesses damage, slows the heart rate and nervous system, relaxes the muscles, and begins the healing and recovery. Because the vascular system relaxes (your blood vessels open back up), your heart rate needs to slow to reduce the blood loss in those extremities (and anywhere else). Cortisol reduces, allowing you to feel pain so you know where injuries are. Adrenaline settles, allowing you to rest.
Certain functions not necessary for healing, rest, and recovery are either shut down or reduced accordingly.
In a nutshell, you need SNS to resolve the danger and PNS to recover afterward.
Unfortunately, we live in a very hectic, busy, and stressful world. Our modern life brings so much to worry about and has so many demands placed upon us. From hours wasted in traffic, the hustle and bustle of modern life, work stress, constant bombardment of media, all the negative news, any past trauma we’ve experienced, and so many other factors, it all adds up to a life of seemingly unending stimulation of our Fight of Flight SNS. Without being able to transition into the resting PNS, to heal and recover, all those stress chemicals and responses in the body continue to soar through us and wreak havoc. We were never designed to be in Fight or Flight for hours on end. Cortisol was never designed to be in our systems for long periods. The adrenal system was never made to keep producing adrenaline and ailments like Adrenal Fatigue are quite common today (Adrenal Fatigue is when your body shuts down from over stimulation of the adrenal gland and you are in a near constant state of exhaustion).
Likewise, since so many PNS functions are shut down or reduced, the body is never able to fully recover, sleep is negatively affected, and healing is impacted. In fact, those who have experienced PTSD are good examples where the SNS runs almost constant and their PNS is kept at dangerously minimal levels.
As I mentioned, since being in danger causes you to not desire (or even perform) basic needs like eating, sleeping, or sex, you can also imagine the harmful, negative effects in all areas of your life from having all those stress chemicals and responses constantly running in your body.
So, what do we do?
It’s first important to understand what is causing you to be in that survival mode. What is causing your Amygdala to perceive danger? It’s important to note your perception of danger may be a misinterpretation or triggering of some traumatic experience. It can also be caused by fear of the unknown, or of experiencing something new for the first time. I recommend checking out my article titled “Reality Is An Illusion” for more about perception of danger.
Fear is a great thing when it’s normal and natural for you to fear. However, much of what we fear is simply what we presume, or what we don’t know. Fear that comes from anxiety is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful and damaging kinds of stress.
Anxiety is usually coming from an attachment or expectation of a negative outcome. It’s the lie that says something bad is going to happen, or we’re going to fail badly. Yet, it’s purely based on our own mindset.
Your Amygdala doesn’t know the difference between facts and illusion. It only knows what it’s fed. So, if you experienced trauma, some horrible failure in the past, or constantly told you were not good enough, your Amygdala will apply that same feeling to a new experience or opportunity. It will trigger the danger signal and the body will go into Fight or Flight.
So, the first step is to simply (although not so simple) detach yourself from any expected or presumed outcome. Try to see the situation from a balanced viewpoint. Recognize the danger response as triggering on something and get to the root of what is really causing it. Is it really the current situation? Is it really what is happening? Why am I really feeling this way?
Next, if you discover it is a trigger and not reality, you need to calm yourself by breathing and moving. Your body needs to do something to expend that energy. Breathing also settles your heart rate and calms your mind. You are trying to convince yourself that all is safe, so that your healing PNS can take over. This might take repeated attempts and don’t be surprised to find yourself slipping over to your Fight or Flight SNS responses. Just keep breathing, moving, and centering your thoughts. Count your breath. Talk it out. Try to really see things from a perspective that doesn’t focus on the outcome, but rather the immediate moment or facts.
Often, what is anxiety is really just the flip opposite of excitement. Being excited about something stimulates the body, too. However, without the fear of danger, all those survival responses are unnecessary and so the rest of the body functions can operate. By simply changing your own self-talk by replacing the word “anxiety” or “nervous” with “excitement”, you can cause a shift in your perspective. Excitement is focusing on the positive. Fear and anxiety focuses on the negative. When you are excited, your body is stimulated, but it also stimulates feel good chemicals like dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin, which are all designed to make you feel good, confident, relaxed, safe – and loved. Imagine facing uncertainty or real challenges feeling that way. That’s the difference between facing life with anxiety or with excitement. It’s a matter of perceiving it as a threat or an opportunity.
Exercise can increase cortisol and adrenaline in the body, because pushing your body does put a physical stress on you and your body doesn’t know the difference between exercise or fighting for your life. However, with exercise, you also stimulate the release of those “feel good” chemicals (ever hear of the Endorphin Rush?). Giving your body something physical to do also relieves tension and provides a release. Additionally, when you are exercising, you are mentally focusing on your activity, which helps shift your obsessive thinking away from the negative, toxic thoughts (yes, anxiety comes from obsessive overthinking) and into the immediate reality of your workout. Then, when that rewarding flood of “feel good” chemicals comes, your body will relax, cortisol and adrenaline will reduce, your mind will be more at ease, the panic will subside, and you will slip into that healing PNS phase.
But, you still need to stay focused on being in control and not let your thoughts obsess over what is causing you that stress, or you will reignite that anxiety again! It takes practice and there are many ways you can achieve this:
Healthy Mind – Educate yourself. Education is essential in understanding and understanding gives your mind ammunition. Reading is the best form of having a healthy mind, because you not only build your understanding, but the act of reading is also good for mental focus and reducing stress. I also suggest keeping a journal and putting your thoughts on paper. Journal writing is a strong therapy, since it allows your thinking to go from bouncing around in your head to filling up pages in a book. They call it “Brain Dumping” and it is used for all kinds of purposes, like business, personal development, and healing.
Healthy Body – Exercise. Breathe. Move. Get off your butt, out of your comfort zone, and out into nature. Fear, anxiety, and stress causes us to instinctively want to hide in our caves, to minimize our presence, and isolate ourselves. When you get up and start moving, you reverse that feeling. Get your blood pumping and your body something fun and stimulating to do. It will go a long way to reduce the negative stress and get you past the toxicity of anxiety. Also, learning new motor skills further builds your mental focus, giving your brain something to focus on instead of the toxic thoughts that create anxiety. Learn a new sport, a new exercise, take a Zumba class, dance, or just go for a nice walk. Get in nature, because natural elements are far more beneficial than just the exercise itself. There are countless studies to support the healing effects of just being in nature. Get out of your boxes (work, home, gym, car, etc) and into the vastness of the great outdoors, even if it’s a local park. Breathe it all in.
Healthy Spirit – Meditation is something we all need to do more. There are so many different forms of meditation. By just simply being still and present, focusing your breathing, not allowing your conscious mind to focus or attach to any thoughts that roll through your mind, and give yourself time to just “be” is so healing that mankind has practiced it for hundreds, even thousands, of years. Modern medicine is recognizing the powerful benefits of meditation and include it in many forms of treatments. Meditation itself doesn’t have to be complicated, either. It can be a few minutes of just deep breathing, or it can be longer sessions. You can combine it with movement, too. I am an advocate of both stationary and moving meditations, as each hold unique benefits and should be practiced in balance with each other. Also, we need connection. We need to be around other people who love us, support us, and give us a healthy outlet to talk about whatever is causing us anxiety and stress. This is more challenging, as we also need to recognize and reduce toxic relationships and have our own boundaries, too. That’s a topic for another article, however.
The formula for centering yourself through all this stress and anxiety can be summed up this way:
Recognize The Feeling – You know when you feel stressed out and anxious. Knowing it’s a Fight or Flight response (your SNS activation) will tell you it’s a fear of a perceived danger. Most likely, it’s a survival instinct misfire, triggered by something that may have nothing to do with what is actually happening.
Gain Clarity – Regardless of how you’re feeling, shift your attention to what you actually know, the facts of the immediate situation. Start to separate what you think could happen from what is actually happening. Ask yourself specifically why you are feeling that way and whatfacts about the situation are causing it. That will begin the process of separating presumption from reality.
Focus On The Present – Stress and anxiety cause us to isolate our thoughts and focus on the feeling instead of the situation. It disconnects us from what is actually happening. Our brain also has a funny way of creating rationalizations to support that feeling, but it most often is our imagination. We literally can make up false realities, because our anxiety isn’t based on facts. It’s based on triggers from the past, not the present. We presume a negative outcome, even when logic runs counter to it, and our anxiety and stress try to convince us that negative outcome is reality. By shifting your attention to asking clarifying questions like “what are the facts?”, “what is actually happening?”, and “is this as bad as I am making it?”, you begin to draw your focus towards the reality of the present moment. You might have to keep doing this over and over, as triggers most often don’t just stop firing. You are only using tools to keep them from controlling your responses and allowing rational thought to stay the course until those feelings subside (which they will!).
Get To The Root – This is where the hard work comes in. You need to invest in yourself to unlock why you are being triggered and where that anxiety and stress is really coming from. It could be a past trauma, toxic childhood experiences, negative programming you received, too much toxicity in your life, and a whole mix of causes. Spend time with a therapist. Even therapists have therapists. There are also many different types of therapists who specialize in anxiety, stress, trauma, PTSD, and other related fields. Although I’m personally not in favor of medication as an immediate solution, there are some situations where a medically prescribed medication can balance your chemicals and help you get to a more stable and healthy state of mind (and emotion). I’m not a medical professional, but I believe very strongly in a more holistic, homeopathic, and natural course of action as a long term solution. This includes healthy lifestyle choices, exercise, meditation, proper diet, plenty of water, healthy relationships, reducing toxicity in every area of your life, educating yourself, investing in quality time as much as possible, and having a dream or passion that keeps you inspired and motivated to pursue.
I would be amiss if I didn’t take time to write about harmful ways people deal with stress and anxiety. Maybe you do some of these now. I know I have turned to one or more of these in my life and learned just how counterproductive they are. All these can be summed up in these areas:
Self-Medication
Self-Harm
Escapism
Self-Medication is a way to make yourself feel better without actually addressing the cause. It’s using external resources as the source for coping with the feelings that are triggered. This can include alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games, and just about anything else that we may use to try to numb the pain of the anxiety and stress. Many things and activities can be a form of self-medication and not all are actually physically harmful. It has more to do with the reason, how we are affected, and the dependency on those means to create that positive feeling. We develop dependencies on the “feel good” chemical response (not all those chemicals are stimulated, by the way) and our brains connect that feeling to the self-medication we chose to use. We keep craving more of that feeling and, as a result, we keep repeating the same habits that create it. But, we forget those feelings are internally produced, natural chemical reactions. We actually don’t “need” anything external if we know how to create it in ourselves naturally.
Self-Harm is when we turn our negative emotions onto ourselves. This includes blaming ourselves. From this, we may try to damage ourselves with harmful activities. We aren’t trying to feel good about ourselves. We are punishing ourselves for feeling bad, incompetent, disappointing, and imperfect. This is a very dangerous place to be and can lead to some really terrible results. It could be small things, like saying derogatory statements about ourselves. Putting yourself down, minimizing your qualities and achievements, paying back a compliment with a negative about yourself, talking yourself out of an opportunity, and other seemingly innocent things are all forms of subtle self-harm that comes from a place of inadequacy. Somewhere in your life you were made to feel inadequate, not good enough, or a failure. That narrative comes out in your own self-talk. At more extreme examples, abuse can devalue someone’s self-image to the point that they literally hate what they see in the mirror. Traumatic experiences can cause PTSD and other problems where self-medicating in dangerous, self-harming ways is the person’s temporary solution to quiet the noise in their heads and try to numb the painful emotions. At very extreme levels, examples of self-harm can include cutting one’s self, harmful sexual practices, violence, and suicide. There are countless examples where self-harm is used to treat the symptom. But, it’s only short term and does nothing to heal the cause. In fact, it just compounds the problem with more problems. The root of this, in my opinion, has to be addressed through professional therapy and a lot of consistent, focused work. The person needs to love themselves again. Especially in the case of past trauma and programming, it isn’t their fault they feel the way they do. They are not to blame. They just need to heal from what happened to them and that takes help, compassion, understanding, and love.
Escapism is a popular form of self-medication. It is using external experiences to distract or protect the person from what triggers them. It can involve such a high degree of illusion that the person can seem perfectly happy and content. It does provide some level of “feel good” chemical response and even euphoria. However, just like the others, it is temporary. The person has to keep feeding the dream to keep the chemicals going. There is this constant fear of losing the fantasy, because they believe the reality to be so terrible that they don’t want to face it. Yet, what is that reality? The reality for them isn’t the actual reality, but all the anxiety and stress that comes with it. But, as you read in the beginning, that anxiety and stress isn’t the reality. It’s a triggered response from a false perception of that reality, an attachment or focus on the outcome (not the present reality). However, instead of working on focusing on the present moment, not the expectation or fear of a negative result, they ignore all the good things that do exist. They don’t see the present moment as it actually is. They only want to hide in their bubble of entertainment, a romanticized perspective that’s at the complete other side from the fatalistic, dim perspective that brings all the anxiety and stress. If this is you, understand that, even though it feels good, it isn’t real. It actually disconnects you from what is real, just as much as your fear and anxiety does. No matter what your reality is, you can achieve real happiness by facing it head on, embracing the present moment, being thankful for what blessings you have, and practicing the different points I listed above to bring yourself to a more centered, emotionally stable perspective. In essence, you need to “sober up” and learn to not let yourself get trapped in a fantasy or a nightmare. Accept that whatever your present moment happens to be, it is constantly changing and evolving. The present is all you have. You cannot control outcomes, only the choices you make right now. Taking responsibility for your life also means choosing to invest in yourself now, not tomorrow, and letting go of yesterday. No matter how much you try to escape, reality is still there and it’s not as ugly as your anxiety and fear tries to convince you. In fact, if you just sit and contemplate all the wonderful things you have, the people who love you, the blessings you’ve received, you’ll see that your real life is already pretty amazing and can be even better. Instead of trying to escape, doesn’t it make more sense to face your present reality now and make the changes you need to make to build something that is sustainable, authentic, and rewarding? That way, you aren’t escaping your life, you are claiming your life!
I have had to battle my own anxiety and stress most of my life. What I found is that when I am feeling the most anxious and stressed, it is because I am worried about something that hasn’t even happened. I am filled with “what if” questions, like “what if this doesn’t work?”, or “what if this person doesn’t like me” (seeking approval from others is a horrible trap!), and “what if I embarrass myself?” (yeah, that’s always been a big one). I will actually role play in my head all the horrible possibilities and obsess over it all to the point where I just want to disappear or come up with excuses to get out of it.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
It is something I know that goes back to my childhood. So, I am aware of the feeling, where it comes from, and what triggers it. When it happens, I have the tools to work through it. I recenter myself and work towards bringing clarity back to the situation. I have a therapist I talk with. I practice healthy life habits, maintain good relationships with people whom I love, exercise regularly, challenge myself, stay curious, and enjoy learning new things. I meditate often. I remind myself constantly of what is good in my life and foster a thankful heart for it all.
I no longer blame anybody, because blaming shifts the responsibility. I am responsible for myself, my present moment, and my life. I have the power to choose my thoughts, actions, and responses.
You also have the power to do the same in your life.
When you claim ownership over yourself, you also claim ownership over your emotions, thoughts, and choices. Your triggers, although they will take time to deprogram, will subside. You will be more stable in your responses and discover that Fight or Flight reaction is manageable. As a result, your SNS won’t be activated as much, your body won’t fill with stress chemicals at the levels they used to, and your quality of life will improve greatly.
Eventually, you will be able to live your life from a more centered, active, calm, focused, and peaceful state of being. You will be able to roll with the ebb and flow of life and have the clarity to see things as they are – not what your fear assumes.
Anxiety and stress Are rooted in fear Which creates chaos inside Triggered by what we presume Instead of what actually is Where is the danger? Where is the threat? Look around and you’ll see That what is causing this fear Isn’t what is outside of us But rather what is inside of us
If you found this article helpful or inspiring, please support my project by leaving a Like and following my blog at Own Your Center. I appreciate all shares, mentions, and comments, too!
Hitting That “Go Button” Even When You Don’t Want To
Okay, so you have decided you want to finally make something happen for yourself. Maybe you’re tired of being overweight. Maybe you want that promotion or a new job. Maybe you need to finally find that special someone or make the next move in your relationship. Whatever it is, you know what you want.
Maybe you’ve already started doing it, but for whatever reason, you backed off. Maybe you started eating better and working out, but at some point you skipped gym day. Maybe you started meeting up for Taco Tuesdays with friends. One week becomes two weeks, then three, and now you’re back in the rut.
Because that’s what we all know very well – the rut.
It’s a horrible place to be, because we want to be out of it. We want to improve ourselves, our relationships, and achieve our dreams. We want, but we fail to do. Failure to execute on what we want further drives us deeper in the rut, because we feel bad about ourselves. We kick ourselves and go so far as to self-medicate with things that continue to keep us down, or make things even worse.
So, what do we do?
Well, I can sit here and type out the very simplistic solution of “just do it”. I mean, we’ve all seen the Nike ads with that slogan. We browse countless memes and quotes on social media with inspirational messages. We can watch endless motivational videos. We can read all those blogs out there (like this one!). At points, maybe we are inspired.
But, we keep staying in the rut. We fail to execute.
One big problem for this is in our own psychology. This is because we, as humans, are designed to maintain a status quo with ourselves. It’s our primal instinct to stay comfortable and safe. If we step outside the cave, we can be eaten. So, by challenging ourselves, making changes, taking risks, and making ourselves uncomfortable, we are triggering a survival instinct that can involve the same fear responses that we would face in real danger. It’s simply a matter of programming and perspective.
Even though your body doesn’t feel like it, it’s your brain that is telling you that.
The secret is that within your mind is your conscious self, that decision maker that chooses what and who to listen to. Your conscious self is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger and more functional it becomes. If you’ve gone through life letting others tell you what to think and do, rarely challenging yourself, playing it safe (yeah, I’ve wasted a lot of years doing that), and spending too much time being a mouth-breathing couch potato, likely your own conscious self is in serious need of development.
It’s no wonder you are stuck in a rut. You’ve let your own conscious mind let go of the steering wheel. You are on auto-pilot with your habits and choices. You are living in your comfort zone, appealing to the cave-dweller mentality of your primitive self. You’ve sold out your passion and drive for what your primal brain thinks is safe.
Until you reach the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, watching another day, week, month, and year go by still telling yourself what you need to do – and never actually doing it.
That’s the whole point, too. There’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to achieving your goals, improving yourself and your life, and making greatness happen. The formula hasn’t changed. There are countless books, videos, and websites devoted to improving your health, career, relationships, and everything else. You can learn just about anything without even leaving your home.
The reality is that if you really look inside yourself, you know what you need to do. You probably already researched how to do it. In fact, I bet you’ve spent hours upon hours at seeing, reading, listening, and thinking about what you need to do. You could probably teach it to someone. But, none of it matters, because you are still sitting on your butt and doing nothing about it. Or, maybe you’ve tinkered with some actions. Maybe you’ve joined that gym, went to a few classes, tried some things at home, and made a few changes. Half-assed attempts only give you half-assed results, at best. So, you’re likely not seeing any real results and, if you’re like most people, you’ve already given up.
Bottom line is that nobody can do this for you. It is all up to you and you alone.
You have to get over yourself. It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you just get out of your own way. We waste so much time being too much in our heads and not in our actions. We overthink, dream up all sorts of “what-if’s”, and internally talk ourselves out of going forward or continuing. That little voice inside chips away at our initial motivation (read “The Power of Self“) and puts us right back into the same old habits.
The not-so-secret solutions is this: Shut up and just do it!
You have to hit your “Go Button”. We all have one. It’s that trigger that pushes us to act. But, see, that Go Button has to be hit before your mind starts talking you out of it. In fact, for me, I have to hit that button immediately, before any thoughts happen. Once I know exactly what I need to do and how to do it, I try to just go for it without thinking any more about it. I take a deep breath and jump in, just like diving off the tall platform at the pool. It’s all a mental game and you have to turn off that little voice, beat it to the punch, and act!
By act, I also don’t mean tiptoe in. Hesitation leads to doubt and giving up. If you’re going to do it – then do it! Keep doing it, too. Don’t look back, don’t analyze anything, just stick to your plan and execute.
When I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and High Blood Pressure, it shook me to my core. I had watched my own father’s life pass away from diabetes, high blood pressure, and an eventual heart attack from a life time of bad choices (see “My Story” if you want to know more). I thought I was a healthy guy for my 40’s. I worked out and wasn’t overweight. I just ate horribly, drank too much, and was living life hard and fast. On the inside, I was killing myself. On the outside, I was in shape, active, and enjoying life.
But, that moment I was diagnosed was when I saw my own mortality. I already knew what I needed to do. I knew how to do it. I just lacked the reason. That shock is what caused me to hit my own Go Button. I instantly adopted a paleo lifestyle, surviving on meat, veggies, and water. I educated myself on proper nutrition, biomechanics, fitness, functional training, and meditation. I was obsessed with it, promising myself I would not let my diabetes and high blood pressure take me out.
Within a few years, I was completely off all my medications. I was leaner, but stronger. I felt amazing! My energy and stamina were at the highest they had been in a long time. I had completely changed myself – all from making a committed, passionate decision and devoting myself to it.
That is what you need to do. You need to find that moment when you’ve had enough of wasting another second, making excuses, and selling yourself out. You need to just reach in and imagine yourself hitting that big, red Go Button with a fire and passion you haven’t had before.
What do you want for yourself? List out the top 3 things you would like to change. What do you need to do to change them? Just get the first step for each. Then, hit that Go Button and tell everyone to watch out!
Don’t overthink or convince yourself you have to know everything. Just start and educate yourself on the way. Starting it is half the battle, because it involves getting out of your cave and into the rest of the world outside. So, just start it. But, keep educating yourself, too. Learn everything you can, while committing yourself to maintaining the action. You have to keep doing it, because even if you back off a little bit, it will become easier to back off a little more.
It’s like a bird taking off. They have to pump their wings fast and furious to keep elevating themselves. Gravity already exists and pulls on them, so they have to put more into fighting against it. If they back off, they will fall, so they keep pushing, pumping, and lifting themselves higher and higher. Once they reach the level they want, then they can relax and glide as far as they can, making small adjustments.
Too many of us think we can glide when we’ve barely even lifted off the ground.
Keep your negative, inner critic shut down by flooding your mind with encouraging, positive messages. Challenge yourself by applying what you learn every day. That’s the plan – learn something new and apply it immediately to your action. Keep building on yesterday. Always keep pushing yourself and imagine hitting that Go Button every time you need do.
You know what you need to do. You know why you need to do it. You probably know how to at least get started.
Hit that button and GO!
We all have dreams We all have goals But wishes and plans Never happen Unless they get out Of our minds And into our actions What are you waiting for? The only one stopping you From starting right now Is you
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Fake It Until You Make It”. On the outside it seems silly. True authenticity isn’t faking anything. Being authentic is to live your life with honesty about who you are and what you want. However, there is another saying that runs opposed to this:
“I am my own worst critic”.
Self-criticism is the number one killer of living authentic, powerful, and fulfilling lives. It steals your confidence, energy, creativity, and ambition. But, what is it?
It is that little voice deep in your head that tells you that you are not good enough. It picks apart everything you do and every idea you have. It looks at you with the sole purpose of finding flaws, even when those flaws don’t really exist. It presumes the worst and creates false realities.
It is a lie we tell ourselves.It is not our authentic self.
Yet, we all battle that little monster of the critical self, because it stems from programming we received when we were still learning about ourselves and our own personal power. It may have come from critical parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and anybody else we relied on for their approval and opinion of us. In fact, often our critical self can use the same words, sound the same in our heads, as those people who said things to make us feel incompetent or devalued.
When we were young and impressionable, these words carried a lot of weight. But, as we grew up, this part of ourselves stayed. Even when we rationally know better, this part of our mind is still connected to the young child and that programming replays in our thoughts as a habitual pattern. We “need” approval from others to validate or convince us, because inside we are unable to find our own self-approval. We don’t give ourselves the support, encouragement, and confidence that we needed from others as a young child.
So, what do we do?
A common strategy I use is that in order to bring any kind of change, you first have to deconstruct in order to reconstruct. This means you have to literally reprogram your thinking habits. This is your own internal dialogue and it begins with what you are actively saying to yourself. It is your self-talk.
I emphasized actively, because it does take a mindful approach to the words you say to yourself. Your subconscious mind still controls your auto-pilot thinking, so it’s going to take time and work to reprogram your thoughts. It is a habit and habits take repetition, consistency, and frequency to develop. It takes more time and effort to change a habit than to create one, so be patient and persistent. You may find yourself slipping back into the old patterns of self-criticism, but being aware of it allows you the chance to consciously change your thoughts. The more you find yourself catching and changing those habits, the more progress you will make. So, don’t be discouraged. Eventually, you will notice you are not having to correct your thinking as often. Over time, this new way of thinking will become the habit, instead of the old, negative self-talk you used to have.
At first, you may not believe what you are saying to yourself. It’s okay. That disbelief is the result of the old programming. It doesn’t matter if you believe or disbelieve it. Just say it and keep saying it. Keep encouraging yourself, complimenting yourself, and telling yourself that you are good enough. Be your own parent, coach, counselor, and support system. You are the closest person you know and nobody knows you better than yourself (although I argue you don’t know yourself as much as you think you do).
There are all kinds of resources out there on positive affirmations. But, in my opinion, the best ones will always be the ones you write and say yourself. Instead of listening or reading what someone else is saying to you, how about you tell yourself those things?
Here are some different affirmations you can use to help get you started. I suggest writing them down on stickie notes or cards and carrying them with you. Have them around to repeat to yourself throughout your day, on breaks, at lunch, while driving, and whenever or wherever you can safely repeat them to yourself. If you can vocalize them to yourself, do it (within reason, of course!).
Mirror talk is something I really find useful. Seeing your own face telling you positive, encouraging, and uplifting things really goes a long way. It may seem silly at first, but it does work. You are connecting the image of your own face to the positive feelings of your self-talk. That’s powerful on many levels.
Sample Self-Talk affirmations
“You are enough”
“You are amazing!”
“You are strong and capable”
“You are very intelligent”
“Nobody is going to stop you!”
“You are loved”
“You are safe”
“You can do anything you set your mind to”
“You matter”
Another form of self-talk are “I am” statements, which are also very effective:
“I am enough”
“I am amazing!”
“I am strong and capable”
“I am intelligent”
“I am unstoppable”
“I am loved”
“I am safe”
“I can do anything I set my mind to”
“I matter”
You get the idea.
These are all just basic suggestions. I encourage you to come up with your own. Personalize it as much as possible, too. For instance, suppose you have an interview tomorrow. Include a self-talk statement of “I am going to rock this interview!”, or something like it. Connect these statements to those things you need that support, encouragement, and confidence with. Speak to yourself as if you are your closest friend, parent, coach, mentor, and counselor – because you are!
It’s important that you really feel it, too. The more feeling you put into the statements, the more impact they will have. Like I said, even if you don’t believe it strongly (or at all), you are reprogramming your internal language. In fact, the less you believe or feel it, the more frequently you need to do it!
Your emotions are important, too. Since your inner critic is already triggering negative emotions and anxiety in you, you should work towards attaching positive emotions to the positive self-talk statements.
Here’s a bit of biology for you.
At the base of our brains, we have a cerebral cortex. Within this structure is our hippocampus, which is part of our limbic system that regulates memory, emotion, motivation, learning, and other functions. When we experience emotions, our memory instantly begins recording everything from all our senses. It connects those things to the emotion and stores it deep into our memory. That’s why little things later in life can trigger the same emotions (in varying degrees) that we felt when we first experienced them. A common example is how people still remember the exact moment in their lives when the terrorist attacks on 9/11 happened here in the U.S. Or, in the case of trauma, how certain images, smells, sensations, and locations can cause a victim to instantly feel the same painful emotions they felt during the traumatic event. Both positive and negative emotions can be re-experienced if the hippocampus recorded the initial causes and we experience the same or similar conditions or triggers later.
On a further note, it is interesting to consider that the cerebral cortex is also responsible for your body’s motor functions and nervous system. This is a bigger topic for another article, but the connection between your physical, emotional, and mental states is a key component to my Own Your Center program, because they all three work together.
This is why I’m a huge advocate of walking and breathing. Being active while self-talking is a very effective way to bring all three of these parts together. By moving your body, you are stimulating the nervous system. By consciously saying positive self-talk affirmations, you are exercising your conscious and active mind. By connecting your emotions into the self-talk, you are attaching positive feelings to your own words and actions. All this creates a self-dependency and empowerment that will transform your entire perspective and life.
So, I encourage you to give this a try. Make a list of self-talk affirmations (“You are” and “I am”). Use my examples to help you get started, but definitely take the time to come up with your own. Start with maybe 20 or so. Then, sit with yourself and read each one aloud. If you have a mirror, look into your own face as you say them. Smile at yourself, as you would talking to someone you love (because you should love yourself!). Use positive and genuine facial expressions. You can even use body language like hand and arm movements to bring even more effect (remember, around 70% of language is non-verbal). Make flash cards or stickie notes for each saying and have them around you. Whenever you realistically can, grab one, two, three, or more and say them to yourself. Even if you can only do it quietly in your mind, actually try to “hear” your internal voice speaking. That’s also important, as you want the sound of your voice playing in your head.
It’s important you repeat this process multiple times per day. Schedule it, if you need. It only will take a few minutes, so you have time. This time is very intimate and important, so give it the respect it deserves. Don’t have your computer or phone on. Keep distractions away. This is your time, your investment, and it’s not selfish to make this a priority for yourself.
Besides, when you heal and grow, everybody and everything benefits, right?
Who is the inner critic? That little voice deep inside Coming from the darkness within Questioning us Pointing fingers at us Telling us we aren’t capable We aren’t strong enough We aren’t loved We aren’t safe Convincing us we don’t deserve Everything we dream Everything we want Replaying the voices Of our toxic past But, we don’t have to listen We are the masters of ourselves We can choose to take back our power Talk to ourselves like we should With love and support And no longer believe in the lies Our shadows try to convince us of
When we think of our intelligence, we tend to only think of our mental intelligence. However, you actually are comprised of three types of intelligence. These are the Physical Intelligence, Mental Intelligence, and Emotional Intelligence. Each one has the same aspects as the other, in regards to health, conditioning, and abilities. Likewise, you must invest time and effort into developing each one individually and in balance with the others. It is essential to building a centered life.
These three kinds of intelligence all connect to each other. For instance, countless studies support exercise (physical intelligence) as an effective method to reduce emotional instability and build mental focus. The release of endorphins and other “feel good” chemicals relieve anxiety and helps balance hormonal levels (positively affecting emotions). Likewise, those who are more mentally stronger, focused, and educated will have higher success in physical exercise, as well as more emotional stability. They educate themselves on physical science, bio-mechanics, health, nutrition, and medicine. Thus, they have a high level success with developing their bodies, while exercising a tough mental focus to push themselves. Lastly, those who develop their emotional intelligence will be able to manage their emotional levels, keeping clear and rational thought processes, and having balanced, controlled, and healthy control over their bodies (including avoiding eating disorders, toxic self-medication, drink binging, poor diet, and so on).
Gym memberships are very popular for those looking to get healthy. Most people join a gym, but fail to follow through with regular consistency. So, they don’t maximize any benefit. However, the gym is what most people turn to when they consider their physical health. However, gym memberships are not enough. Whether in a gym, sports programs or hobbies, outdoor activities, and so on, the truly dedicated will spend the time and resources to educate themselves on proper techniques, nutrition, and other related topics to benefit their overall body health. Through their research and education, they equip themselves even more to be able to build their physical health to meet their goals. They train with proper technique in order to avoid injuries and “wear and tear” to their bodies. As a result, they build their physical intelligence so that they live healthy, vibrant, and functional lives.
The internet is a treasure trove of knowledge. You can literally find anything online to educate yourself about. Video sites like YouTube offer so many tutorials on a variety of topics. You can listen to lectures, learn how to build or repair almost anything, study for exams, and even take education courses all online. Books are also available on any topic you want. Some books are free, some digital, and others physical. There is no limit to what you can learn, or at least explore. Similarly, you can educate yourself online or with books on anything related to physical and emotional intelligence, too.
Emotional Intelligence (also known as E.I.) is a fairly recent category, but something which is quickly becoming popular. Emotions drive so much of our behaviors that it deserves it’s own category. Your emotional levels will impact your judgement, focus, and logic. I’ve often said logic and emotion can’t exist in the same brain at the same time. Developing your emotional intelligence takes a lot of work and may include therapies. As a culture, we don’t spend enough time in our younger years learning about our emotions. We may develop our mental and physical intelligence, but our emotional intelligence is often overlooked. So, we may mature in our physical and mental abilities, but our emotions may still be in our less mature, underdeveloped stages. When we encounter challenges in our adult life, underdeveloped emotional intelligence shows itself in ugly, irrational, uncontrolled, and sometimes violent ways. We aren’t equipped to handle our own emotions very well, leading to such high spikes in anxiety, depression, addictions, toxic and suicidal behaviors. We lack the development to manage our painful emotions, so we try to escape them or allow them to dominate us.
A properly developed emotional intelligence allows for emotions to be acknowledged and managed in a healthy way. Instead of the emotions controlling us, we control them. That doesn’t mean to suppress, either. It means to allow yourself to feel what you feel, but control how you express them by doing things that reduce the stress in a more healthy, productive manner. This can include exercise (your physical intelligence), meditation (your mental intelligence), hobbies, walking, social activities (but avoid alcohol and comfort food!), and therapy. Having alternatives to letting emotions run rampant inside you takes development of your emotional intelligence. Since most of us have an emotional intelligence much less developed than our physical and mental intelligence, we need to take the time and put in the work to “grow up” that aspect of ourselves. This can often be much more challenging than any physical or intellectual growth! But, the benefits are worth it.
When you develop your physical, mental, and emotional intelligence levels, you are investing in a total package of yourself. You maximize your effectiveness in all areas of your life, including relationships. It is at the core of living a centered, balanced life.
I highly recommend taking the time to set up a “fitness plan” for each of these areas. Begin small at first, so as to not overwhelm you.
Physical Intelligence – Look up on YouTube or the internet some basic whole body exercises for beginners. My Own Your Center program includes a moving and breathing set of exercises to help with this, but there are some really good examples out there for the gym, at home, or out in nature. Make it fun, active, and challenging. Learn new motor skills, as this builds your muscular and nervous system, as well as adding new neurological pathways in your brain. Yes, you literally get smarter by learning new skills.
Mental Intelligence – Get a puzzle app for your phone and use it daily. Take a class. Study a topic from the internet or books. Meditate. Talk with people about a variety of topics. Listen to a lecture. Watch a documentary. Educate yourself on fitness and nutrition. Read fiction and non-fiction. Explore everything. Be curious. Paint, draw, and sculpt something. Anything that stimulates your imagination, focus, and logic is good nutrition for the mind.
Emotional Intelligence – Talk with loved ones. Invest in some therapy sessions. Study the subject of Emotional Intelligence. Practice self-awareness of shifting emotions and what triggers them. Develop healthy outlets for uncomfortable emotions. Stop suppressing emotions and, instead, acknowledge and identify the feelings. Avoid toxic self-medicating. Exercise, meditate, eat and drink healthy.
These are just some basics which will hopefully get you started on approaching these three areas of your life. I highly encourage you to spend the time and resources on each one evenly, in a balanced and proactive lifestyle. Some of this won’t be easy. But, trust me, you will thank yourself later.
Physical, Mental, and Emotional All have their own intelligence Each one requires it’s own development Each one affects the other Like three legs of a stool It supports a life which is Healthy Active Vibrant Balanced Functional And centered
Conformity is defined as “compliance with standards, rules, or laws”. The word is made up of two main parts – “Con”, as in with, and “form”, as in a fixed shape. It is to mold to a preset design, idea, or structure.
When you think about it, the process of conforming is to reduce or eliminate uniqueness, variance and creativity.
If you ever had Lego toys as a child, or bought them for your children, you understand the importance of making sure you don’t mix non-Lego pieces with Lego pieces. I can remember the frustration in my own children as they tried to make the pieces fit together. The non-Lego brand pieces never quite fit with the Lego pieces. For many pieces, you can’t tell the difference just by looking at them. The difference only reveals itself when you try to connect them together. It just doesn’t work, because both brands have a slight variance in shape and size.
So, you either have to separate the brands and create something different with each, or try to make it all go together “good enough” and accept it’s imperfection.
This is the perfect analogy in how we humans struggle to conform to expectations, whether placed on ourselves or by others. We try to fit into various roles that carry obligations and expectations. Often, we even place these on ourselves, based on our own programming and beliefs.
Going further, conforming also has a deeply rooted, primal component. By fitting in to the tribe, we secure our place within the social circle, because it is a place of acceptance, security, and support. Back in history, to be different or non-conforming could get you ostracized, kicked out, and left to struggle through life alone and vulnerable. It literally could be a matter of life and death. This is why this need to fit in is so strong.
Sadly, throughout history we also see where those who did not conform, who challenged the status quo, and went against the current teachings were persecuted, often brutally.
Whenever someone or a group steps out of the expected behaviors and beliefs of a society or larger group (including one’s own family), it is seen as a threat and treated as such. In today’s society, we see this played out with social media, bullying, peer pressure, censorship, and other forms of persecution.
Yet, it isn’t conformity that innovates and improves life. Inventions, discoveries, and achievements happen because someone or a group of people step out of the box of limited (and most often popular) thinking and social “norms” of acceptable behavior.
We are conditioned to think and act according to the expectations of others. In the beginning, it’s how you build your own self-identity. Because we have no basis of comparison as children, we blindly follow what we are taught as “correct” thought, behavior, and beliefs. We seek the approval of our parents, teachers, religious leaders, peers, and others. We build our identity, self-worth, and world view from that man-made foundation.
But, through life experience, we encounter new things, events, and people who challenge what we believe. Maybe we experience something that shatters our beliefs, forcing us to see things differently. For some, this can be traumatizing, invoking confusion, fear, and shock. When you suddenly realize what you thought you believed about something, someone, or yourself isn’t all there is (or is proven false), then everything else falls into question. This shakes your whole foundation.
That’s the danger of conformity. It kills the open mind, creativity, and exploration. It puts us in the dangerous position of not being able to adapt, evolve, and grow.
But, here’s the little secret. We are all born with a hunger for growth. We all have an inherent, primal nature to explore. This is a kind of wild nature we all have inside us and it goes all the way back in our most basic human development. It’s what we operate from as babies and toddlers. As soon as we can move, we start moving. Whatever we touch, we squeeze, taste, and explore. Nobody teaches us this. We are just naturally curious, unafraid to experience new things, and have an undying thirst to learn.
And it is this curious nature that drives us to challenge conformity.
When we try to suppress that curiosity by conforming, fitting in, and staying in the lane of what we’re expected to say, think, and do, we actually develop an internal conflict.
We experience a kind of chaos within us.
Yes, we can feel good about playing by the rules, but deep inside, we are actually unsettled. We fall into senseless, sometimes toxic, distractions to keep us entertained in our mundane, predictable, and conformed lives. We dream of adventure and excitement, spending our precious hours watching movies and videos of people and situations that are completely outside the limits of our safe, comfortable conformity.
But, when it comes to our own lives, we tuck back into our cage of expectations, obligations, and social conditioning. We make excuses to support why we are afraid to step out of the box. We rationalize why we don’t want to rock the boat and go against the grain. We do this to make ourselves feel better, but it all is to combat the discomfort we feel at being in conflict with the wild, free, and non-conforming nature within us.
I am not advocating for you to embark on reckless and dangerous behavior. There is nothing wrong with stability and I don’t want to be blamed for any self-destructive choices you make as a result of my article!
But, I am encouraging you to really question yourself as to “why” you think the way you do. Why do you believe the way you do. Why did you choose the occupation you have? Why did you select those particular people to hang out with? Why did you buy the automobile you drive? Why do you vote the way you voted?
Really dig deep into your own thoughts, words, and behaviors. Look for the origins of where your choices came from, where your view of the world and yourself was primarily shaped from, and how much of your life have you spent trying to fit the roles and expectations placed upon you by somebody else.
Where inside yourself are you experiencing deep longings that you are resisting or have put aside out of fear of judgement, or being ridiculed by others? What desires do you have that continue to ping in your deepest parts of your mind that would run in contrast to the way you think and act today?
I encourage you to start a journal and just let your mind dump the words onto the pages. Really write about yourself. Besides the above questions, also take the time to really explore some “what if” questions:
What if you could change everything about your life right now? What would you change? Why would you change it? What would you hope to gain? What has stopped you from changing it?
What if you could go back and redo your life? What do you know now that you wished you knew back then? How would that have impacted your current life?
What if everything you thought you knew about yourself, others, and your life suddenly was wrong (oh boy!). How would that affect you? What would you do?
These are not easy questions, but the point is to start an internal dialogue with yourself, an honest exploration into your thoughts and choices. You need to accept that we all are unique by design. We all are made to never quite fit in anybody’s expectations. We all have that wild nature within us and it’s perfectly natural to allow that to challenge our limited views and explore new ways of seeing ourselves and life. By allowing ourselves to color outside the lines, we learn about ourselves more. We are free to really develop our uniqueness, enriching the world and becoming more wholly ourselves.
Embrace your weirdness. Entertain those fantasies. Push yourself outside your comfort zone. Ignore the critics, because they are only your prison keepers. Surround yourself with innovators, creative thinkers, and adventurers.
Calm the chaos within you by allowing your wild to challenge the trap of conformity. Believe in yourself, that your uniqueness is your strength. To suppress it is to go against your own authentic self.
We all desire comfort We all desire security We all desire acceptance But deep inside The wild nature of our being Desires creativity Desires growth Desires adventure To find the balance Is to be centered in stability While allowing the wild within To express our authentic selves
Own Your Center 